im sitting on a coach bus

Next to a guy that talks like this guy I dated years ago.
He keeps laughing to himself and moving his news paper from his lap, to the window, then to the seat, then closer to his face. ADHD much?

Im about an hour and a half away from indianapolis.
Which really means im an hour and a half away from relaxation, excitement, and almost complete happiness.








I need food.

mondaymondaymondaymondaymondaymondaymondaymondaymonday.

Obvz I can't wait for monday.
Indianapolis for the week with amanda hotshotts and bbychlz.







Its about damn time.

guilt.

i've recently realized the feeling of guilt is one of the worst feelings to ever come to me. I honestly feel guilty for not letting you back in my life, but at the same time, i don't want you back in my life. I still believe what you did is unforgivable and having you in my life is just a constant reminder of that. You have been trying so hard to help me, and i appreciate it. Half of me knows for a fact that if something serious were to happen to you, id kick my self for not letting you back in, but then the other half of me just keeps saying you've lived this long by yourself, so why would you need or want her now.


I need to start focusing on myself a little bit more, considering i really don't at all. its much easier for me to focus on others, and fix their problems and always put mine on the back burner. but i've come to realize thats probably not very healthy for me. I need to start be honest with my self, and realizing when i have problems and fixing them. Focusing more on my health, and mental and emotional states. Its going to take a lot of work, and im going to hate doing it. but i think its nessacary.

so im sitting outside of work with our cleaning lady

Waiting for my manager right now. This is the most awkward situation I think I've ever been in at 6:54am. Its cold. Im tired. She smells and can't speak any english and just kind of stares at me.


I currently can't feel my toes and am not looking forward to work.


But what I am looking forward to is happening in a mear 9 days. And I can't wait.


:)

all i want for christmas is:

a new immune system.
and you to be here.







please, and thank you.


im going on week 6 of being sick, and its getting a little worse.
my throats a bit swollen and the nose is stuffed up with god knows what.

though i should sleep, i think im going to be doing some christmas shopping tomorrow. i only have 2 weeks left and haven't bought a single thing yet. ugh.

also, everyone needs to listen to the song Instant Pleasure by Rufus Wainright.
it makes me laugh.








goodnight for now.
miss you all.