I can feel all of my closest friendships diteriorating. After losing my best friend in the begining of july, I am now losing the people I hold closest to me, some for reasons that don't make sense, others for reasons that make perfect sense.

things are hitting me hard tonight, and this is what tends to happen when I sit alone and think about things too much. The bad things or overshadowing the good, and its affecting me a lot. I am an emotional disaster right now, and its even harder knowing I've lost the 2 closest people to me. One of which was out of my hands, which I'm trying to accept but really can't. The other, I've don't as much as I possibly can to fix and to make back to normal, but its in his hands what he wants to do. Its his choice and his decision. I have a feeling I'm going to have to learn to live with out him, which will take some getting used to, but I know I'm strong enough to do it.


There's only two people in my life that I really feel like I can trust and talk to right now. They are the only genuine people I have. The only ones that actually show the care about and love me. They're the only people that have brought any good to my life recently.

Yes I have other good friends and people close to me, but because of other people leaving me and me having obvious trust problems, I can't trust them as much as I wish I could, or hold them as close to my heart as I'd like to, in fear that they will also turn on me.