this past week

has been far too emotionally and mentally draining for me.
not to mention its going by unbearably slow and I just want it to be the weekend already so I can see my ladies.
Tomorrows the day I've been waiting for for a very long time now. I will wake up friday morning with a colorful arm and I can't wait for it.





We're at the ground floor, but our numbers, they only, get higher from here.

you prefer honesty

and yet you're no longer speaking to me because i was honest with you?
makes perfect sense.


get over yourself.

not knowing what to do

in certain situations really sucks.
i know the timing wasn't best for us, but does that mean in the future something wont happen? i know just friends is what we agreed on, but what about after you've focused on yourself and fixed the things that you felt needed fixing? i don't know if i should try to move on, or wait. i know you're worth the wait, but i don't want to put myself through a wait for nothing if its not going to happen.
on the other hand. there kind of is someone else. i haven't known him long at all, and i don't know how well i can trust him or depend on him to be there, like i can with you. a big part of me for some reason has a big feeling that he talks to others the same way he talks to me, but a big part of me also feels hes sincere when he says the things he says to me. i don't know if i should move on, or if i should wait. its a decision i almost wish i didn't have to make. you will always be a big part of my life, just as you have been the past years we've known each other. i don't want to move on, and risk what could be with us in the future, but i don't want to be stuck on you and not know what could have been with someone else.












this doesn't even begin to describe what my head and heart are going through right now.

i think its funny how

your actual family, can turn out to not be family at all.
and all those people you met along the way, become your real family.











i am so over this.

i just dont know what to do.

its hurting me so much to see you like this and i wish so badly that there was something i could do. i know what she did hurts more and more as the days pass, trust me i do. i hate her more than i can express for doing this to us, mainly you. you gave up you life for us, and you did not deserve this. im doing everything i can to get you to feel better, but it seems theres nothing i can do. im here, and you know that. i love you and thats all i can say for now.







things could definitely be better right now.
i want it to be january 30th already.
and i need a serious vacation right now.

well, I was told other wise.

I am very glad this ended the way it did.
Maybe its for the best we not be together, considering how good of friends we've been for 2 years now.
All I have wanted was for you to be happy, and for you to focus on the things that need fixing.
I care for you so much, and you know that.
You know that no matter what, I will be here to help and support you in any way I can.











In other news: you'd think by now, scientists would have come up with medications that are 100% effective.

these nights are getting colder and colder.

I've been feeling pretty lonely lately. The winter does that to me from time to time. Far more often than id like it to. I don't know if its simply because I always find myself staying up late, never with any body else, or if its simply because I am always catching my mind wandering off and thinking about something hundreds of miles away. Or maybe its both. Either way, I no longer want to feel it. I know if its my mind thinking of someone, I need reassurance from that someone to not feel the lonliness, but I don't want to need that anymore. I want to be able to just know with out being constantly reminded. I need to be able to trust that if that person felt a different way than previously stated, that they would tell me. But for now, I need the reassurance. Forgive me if im asking too much, this is just the way I was made.