I just needed you to pick me up, like you did when we were younger. when the lightening and the thunder had me clinging to your heart.

one thing inparticular has brought on my trust issues this week.

about three years ago, i met this guy that was my definition of incredible.
things were great, i liked him a lot, he made me think he liked me.
he even called me one minute after midnight on new years and said he wished i could have been there with him so he could have kissed me at midnight.
perfect.
that is until i found out he had done something ill never forget.
earlier in the day of new years eve he slept with my best friend at the time.
then still had the nerve to call me that night.
i found out about them together, and we had quite the falling out.
i haven't seen him, or talked to him in just under 3 years.

until last week.



he messaged me about hanging out.
so i agreed thinking, you know its been three years, im sure he's changed.
so we got together saturday night over coffee and ihop and just talked and caught up.
then this evening we decided to hang out again.
and he kissed me.
hes an awesome guy, don't get me wrong.
but im super hesitant to let myself even think about liking him again.
and i don't know if ill ever be able to trust him knowing what he did last time.


On another note.
I am fucking disgusted by people.
If you really feel the need to be in control, go be in control of something thats inanimate. Something that doesn't feel, something you won't hurt.
Not a person.
I don't know what would make you ever want to do something like that ever, but its fucking disgusting and i hope you all live a life of hell.